Bad Habits

Habits are part of everyday life....some are in the from of traditions and others ones that you've picked up along the way in life.

Some don't harm in anyway...like twirling pencils when you are bored, or popping your neck or knuckles.

Some, however are harmful like smoking or pulling out your eyelashes and eyebrows.

Now, you wouldn't think that pulling out your hair around your eyes is such a big deal.
However, the reason why the hair is there in the first place is because it protects the eyes from little particles or other things that can irritate your eyes. (As I am sitting typing this, I am popping my knuckles...)

Anyway, I have been pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows since I was 10 years old. (So half my life)
10 was when I was diagnosed with asthma. When I started gaining a lot more weight that I should have been and when my mom's side of the family stopped talking to me and my mom and my dad and my sister, because of something that I thought was my fault. (My aunt blamed me. Why? I don't know)

I started doing that as a stress-er...not intentionally as a stress-er, but that's what it turned into.

When I pulled out a little chunk of eyelashes, it was like the stress was leaking through the little holes where the hair roots were, and I felt better.

Now, I only pull out my lashes and eyebrows when I am stressed. And I have been stressed for a long time, over different things, because my eyelashes and eyebrows have never fully grown back. On a couple of occasions, in the summer for instance, I was able to buy mascara for the first time and use it...but then I pulled out my eyelashes and I have this mascara that I WANT to use but can't.

I'm not sure why I am always stressed. Different things, built up over the years, which caused my depression for the month of September. (Boy am I glad that's OVER)

I'm not even sure why I'm blogging about this...the Holy Spirit wanted me to blog about this.......
Wow



blogging about this is releasing some of my burden...hm...

(THANK YOU GOD!!!!)
Anyway, God bless all of you and thanks for all the prayers!
Cody Marie

Jogging Update...

Last week I failed to jog.


Part of the reason is that I'm scared. Why?
Because of my asthma.
When I was a child, I would wake up in the middle of the night, not breathing.
I have never been rushed to the hospital because of my asthma, but I'm afraid that I will.

I know exercise is VERY important for a healthy body and mind. However, I am not sure how to achieve it without sending me to the emergency room.

Any ideas? I'd love to know. Post them on here, Facebook, wherever you can catch me.


Maybe I just need to walk.
Maybe I just need to ride my bicycle.
Maybe I just need to do stretching and yoga.


What I do know for sure is that God wants me to cut ALL soda.
He gave me the BIGGEST hint this morning before I started blogging.
Yahoo! Health was one of the news stories that popped up on the page.
Here's the link...

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/drmao/20270/what-soft-drinks-are-doing-to-your-body/

(Just copy and paste)

Anyway, God bless you for reading this and please keep praying for me. Giving up soda is going to be MUCH harder than trying to stop pulling out my eyelashes and eyebrows. (That will be my next blog)


Peace and blessing for the month of November!
Cody Marie

Well, I told you that I'd keep you updated on my "jogging" progress.

My goal last week was to run Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

What I actually did: Wednesday and Sunday.

My jog Wednesday was rough; no denyin' it. Although my block is around 1/3 of a mile, it felt like I jogged a marathon. I went jogging before school at about 7:50 and I returned home about 8am. My asthma was acting up really bad, I had to take my emergency inhaler two times on my jog alone and another time when I got back. I was wheezing from the time I got back home until about 5pm, I couldn't stop coughing and it was a hard day for me.

Sunday, when I had the house to myself in the afternoon, I moved the coffee table so I could do stretching. But, being nervous and cautious I didn't run around my block again...instead I clicked on iTunes on my computer and I started playing a Skillet CD that I have and I jogged in place in my house to 3 songs (about 12 minutes)...I still got a major workout, but I did it in the safety of my own home and had a place to sit in case I had a "charlie horse" which I usually get when I overexert my calf muscles.

I checked the scale this morning, just to see if I had lost any weight and

Starting Weight: (10/19) 226
Today's Weight: (10/26) 221

I was really encouraged by that 5 pounds, so I made my lunch and brought it to school today. :)

Anyway, God bless and thanks for reading and praying.

Cody Marie

Jogging

Sigh...

Now that I have taken care of just about everything else God wants me to take care of, something else Go wants me to work on now.

My weight.

I am the biggest I have ever been in my entire life.

Part of me is comfortable in my body; the other is ashamed.

I know what works for me and what doesn't; I just have given the excuse that my asthma was keeping me from doin' it:

Jogging.

(Sorry Nate) I HATE jogging. I've had asthma since I was 10 years old (which means I've had it for 10 years) and in that time I have never liked jogging for fun.

Now, it seems my only choice.

So, tomorrow, before school I am going to start jogging around the block where I live. (It will probably be a jog, walk, pant, jog, walk, pant, etc.)

So, please keep me in your prayers as I start this and I will track how much I will lose and let you know. My goal is 20 pounds by Christmas. (Jogging 3 timesa week: Monday, Wednesday and Saturdays.)

God Bless you!
Cody Mare

Reflection on the Month of September

The month of September was really hard for me. Depression really took me and dragged me under. The other day (10/08/09) I decided to reflect about what was goin' on inside me during that time and I wrote this poem and I wanted to share it with you.


September 2009
Cody Marie
10/08/09

School, eat, sleep.
School, eat, work, sleep.
Eat, homework, chores, sleep.
Homework, eat; homework, sleep.
When will it ever end?

No free-time, no privacy--
No one who understands...
No one understands.

School, eat, sleep.
School, eat, work, sleep.
Eat, homework, chores, sleep.
Homework, eat; homework, sleep.
When will it ever end?

Slowly losing, slowly dying.
Each day: busy, busy, busy.
No time for me,
No time for God,
No time for fun,
No time for nothin'.

Slowly sucking, slowly dying--
Overwhelming--over-killing.

Happy days--happy times
Slowly getting out of reach.

Sadness + madness= overwhelming(ness)

What do I do? What do I do?
"Remember, it's not all about you."
Who said that? Who is there?
"Turn around and look up here."
Turning around and looking where?
"Look up child, what do you see?
How about me and my outstretched arms?

Run into them--
Run as hard as you can.
I am here, and I understand."



I am SO grateful that I am not in the depression right now, and I am so glad that God reminded me that He is there and that He is holding his outstretched arms for us to run into.
God Bless you guys!

Cody Marie